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SCARY THOUGHTS FOR HALLOWEEN…

Patriots really could go 16-0…

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Tom is Gisele’s Bitch….

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Chad Makes Sense

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Soulja Boy Dance Ain’t Just for Devin Hester Anymore 

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Week 8 Power Rankings: Brought to you by the Serial Streaker…

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The NFL Week 8 Power Rankings are out and we couldn’t be more bored by the top 10. The only thing that really matters is that the Saints have moved up from 26 to 19! Yay!

What, you want more? Oh fine. Here’s your damn top 10.

1.) Patriots- Unstoppable…blah blah blah…running up score…blah, blah blah…classless…blah blah blah…16-0…blah blah blah

2.) Colts- Here are your orders: DESTROY THEM!

3.) Cowboys-Romo BEFORE $67 million contract= Tool

Romo AFTER $67 million contract= “How you doin’….”

4.) Packers- Since the ESPN crew did all but ask Brett Favre to have their babies during Monday night’s game, what’s left for us to say?

5.) Giants- Way to go across the pond and teach those Brits what we knew all along: You’re one bloody boring team!

6.) Steelers- Beating up on the Bungles: that don’t impress me much!

7.) Chargers- See, Patriots. There is a way to crush your opponent without looking like total schmucks.

8.) Jaguars-Thank you for beating the Bucs. Now, consider yourselves our sworn enemy.

9.) Titans- Oh c’mon. Are you guys trying to win ugly?

10.) Lions- An NFC team we can actually be happy for, and only because we feel your pain.

When The Saints Win…

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When the Saints Win….

The birds sing a sweet, melodious tune as I awaken to another blessed day.

When the Saints Lose…

Why the f*ck do I have to get out of bed this morning?! And would somebody shoot those loud ass birds?!

When the Saints Win…

Oops, I just stepped in juicy dog turds…oh what a glorious morn!

When the Saints Lose…

Get me a bucket of water and plug in the curling iron. I’m about to “Vick” the neighbor’s poodle.

When the Saints Win…

Oh what sir, you want to merge in front of me at the last minute even though you knew the lane was about to run out? Well be my guest…and have a great day!

When the Saints Lose…

Don’t even think about it asshole! (HONK!! HONK!!)

When the Saints Win…

Sure I can work through lunch. And do you need me to stay a little later this evening too?

When the Saints Lose…

I wish a mutha f*cka would ask me to give up my damn lunch. Who do these people think they are? I HAVE A LIFE!

When the Saints Win…

I love Sean Payton…and Drew Brees…and Reggie…and Fred Thomas, and Tom Benson too.

When the Saints Lose…

Oh would they just sell the damn team to L.A. already. 

WAIT WAIT, I didn’t mean it!!!! Please don’t sell my boys!! I beg of you Tom! I’m just hurt and angry and saying things I shouldn’t say. Don’t hold it against me, okay?

When the Saints Win…  

I know you’ve got a few more items in your grocery kart than me, but you can still skip ahead. Hey, I’m in no hurry.

When the Saints Lose…

 Can you read bitch? It says TWELVE items or less.

 Bless you boys, for keeping my cup half-full for the past three weeks…

All Aboard!!!

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Just when you thought the wheels had fallen off, the Saints bandwagon is once again on a roll. But get your tickets fast, these seats are filling up! Just ‘look who’s talkin’ bout our boys in black and gold…

Carolina and Tampa Bay should be worried. They’re going down (‘that’s what she said’) as New Orleans is going up. ”

Clark Judge of CBS Sportsline

New Orleans QB Drew Brees. He’s getting hot when his team needs him most, when his team suddenly has a prayer of getting back in the NFC South pennant race.”
-Peter King of Sport Illustrated

“Sorry Reggie. It’ll only itch the first few days. Then I SWEAR it’ll go away.”

-Big Booty Socialite

“Like San Diego, New Orleans was too talented to keep losing…The Saints are suddenly alive and a threat again.”

-Bill Williamson of MSNBC

“I’d pay them to rescue me from the Falcons at this point.”

Unnamed Former Saints Receiver

“The Saints … are coming. After a 0-4 start that was surprisingly reversed via a spanking of the Seahawks in Seattle two weeks ago, many in league circles regarded the Saints as a dangerous team. Two games later, the Saints are rolling, thanks to wins over the Falcons and the 49ers.”

-Mike Florio of Sporting News

Of course, we could be bitter. We could do the classless thing and yell “SUCK IT!” to the fair-weather fans and national media who abandoned our team in the midst of their 4-game win deficit. We could draw their ears closely to our pursed lips and gently whisper “You’re a monstrous douche-face.” But that would be wrong. Fun, but wrong. 

NFL Week 8: The Chicks Break it Down

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Redskins 7 Patriots 52-No, that score is not a typo. And no, the Redskins didn’t choose to start their cheerleaders as a Halloween prank. And yes, we’re already sick of the hype over the Pats/Colts game.

Colts 31 Panthers 7-It was so cute to watch Panthers fans get all geeked up thinking their team was about to contain the Colts, only to watch Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne crush their dreams like they were Carrie on prom night. The pigs blood came in the form of 24 unanswered points.

Eagles 23 Vikings 16– For the first time since week 2, Donovan McNabb looked like Donovan McNabb and not Rex Grossman’s soul brother. Meanwhile, the injury plagued Vikings have been reduced to using their 3rd string quarterback. Don’t be surprised if Minnesota pulls a page from the Panthers’ playbook and starts digging through the rolodex of ex-qb old fogeys. “We need Joe Namath on the line: stat!!”

Lions 16 Bears 7- Why is it so much fun to watch the Bears lose? I tell you, it just never gets old!

Steelers 24 Bengals 13– Why is it so sad to watch the Bengals lose? I tell you, it’s really getting old!

Giants 13 Dolphins 10– I say old chum, the only highlight of this European experience  was the bloody streaker!

Browns 27 Rams 10– Come on Rams, just 8 more games to go to make our 0-16 wishes come true! We know you can do it!

Jags 24 Bucs 23- We’re too busy pointing and laughing at Tampa Bay to sum this one up.

Texans 10 Chargers 35-So both floods AND fires can be a good motivator for sports teams. Interesting…

Oh yeah, the Titans beat the Raiders and the Bills beat the Jets.(Translation: Who gives a good Sh#%)

Monster Mash!

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The 31-10 ass kicking at Monster Park against the 49ers makes it 3 in a row for the Saints. What’s even scarier…they looked good doin’ it!

Beating the Forty Whiners- A San Francisco Treat

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Let’s get blunt for a second.  We despise the 49ers…and not in that playful, cross town rivalry way that we hate the Falcons.  We absolutely abhor the 49ers.  They’re like the hot guy in high school who was not only a quarterback but had a 4.0 GPA and the hottest chick in school, and a cool car, and lots of money.  And to top it all off, he was a total prick.    

We played them twice each season from 1970 to 2001 with often frightening results.  During those years, the 49ers won the NFC West division 16 times with two dominating streaks lasting from 1987-1990 and 1992-1995 and claimed 5 Super Bowl wins.  The Saints won only 2 NFC West titles in 1991 and 2000.  (Chick-a-Dee lived in San Francisco during that 1991 season and it was fiendishly delightful to be a Saints supporter in the midst of grim-faced, spoiled Whiner fans.  It was also ghoulish fun to taunt them until they foamed at the mouth but that’s another post.) 

These days, the 49ers are like that aforementioned hot guy from high school who grew up to be a meth addicted grocery store clerk.  It’s been nothing but one losing season after another.  And just when we thought their tide had turned this season, the team embarked on a chilling 4-game losing.  Meanwhile, the Saints started out losing 4 in a row but have fought back and won 2 straight.  That leaves both teams at 2-4.  Below the Chicks break down the potential game breakers when the teams meet this Sunday. 

Will Gore Run in ’07?: San Francisco running back, Frank Gore, led the NFC in 2006 with 1,695 yards rushing on 5.4 yards per carry. He had 8 rushing touchdowns and caught 61 passes for 485 yards and 1 touchdown.  But Gore has not been as productive so far in 2007.  He’s been hampered by the withering disintegration of the SF offensive line. He rushed for 88 yards last week against the New York Giants which is his best game of the season.  Gore is likely having nightmares about the challenge of squaring off against an increasingly wicked Saints run defense that has not allowed an opponent to gain 100 rushing yards in five straight games.

The Bitter Beer Man – There were many “tears in our beer” when kickoff return specialist, Michael Lewis, was released by the Saints in the off season.  Lewis is a hometown boy who attended Grace King High School right outside of New Orleans.  He worked as a beer delivery man while trying to achieve his dream of playing in the NFL earning his nickname Beer Man.  Once he was given the chance to prove himself and show off his almost supernatural speed, Lewis became the Saints’ all-time career leader in punt returns (142) and punt return yardage (1,482). He set an NFL record in 2002 for combined kick-punt return yardage with 2,432 yards total (1,807 kickoff, 625 punt) leading to an appearance at the Pro Bowl.  The Saints’ decision to release Lewis may come back to haunt us when we face him wearing a 49er uniform on Sunday afternoon.

Dead on Arrival: San Francisco ranks dead last in the NFL in total offense and passing offense.  Fading hopes are riding on quarterback Alex Smith who is returning this week after sitting out with a shoulder injury last week.  He will be hard-pressed to revive the lurching zombified offense with a 66.6 passer rating in four games.  And there’s the foul air of dissension creeping through the Niner facility with players, including Frank Gore, questioning the play-calling credibility of new offensive coordinator, Jim Hostler.  Saints coaches, players and fans know that we should be able to take advantage of the grim weaknesses plaguing this 49er team.

 Chicks Prediction: Saints 24 – Whiners 13 

-Chick-a-Dee