Game Changers

Those of us who enjoy players like Troy Polamalu making football games feel more like Pantene commercials better look for another way to get our jollies. NFL owners are meeting this week to discuss, among several rule changes, a ban on exposed hair.  If the new rule is approved, those lovely lady locks would have to be tucked away under a player’s helmet. 

All we can say is thank goodness Steve Gleason retired before this one saw the light of day. 

Other proposed rule changes are not quite as “hairy”, such as letting wild-card teams with better records than a division leader get home-field advantage.  There’s also a proposal to prevent the Browns v Ravens nail-biter of last season and allow instant replays on field goals.

While all these proposals are adorable, we think they barely scratch the surface of what the NFL should be doing to change and improve the game.  The chicks offer our own proposed rules for a better game watching experience…after the jump!

Get in Marques Colston’s Pants…

 

…or at least his jersey.   The hottie wide receiver is auctioning off all sorts of priceless possessions to raise money for Colston Charities.  The charity benefits neglected, abused, and underprivileged children.   

For the right price, you can win a one of a kind Hofstra jersey. This is one of only two jerseys Marques wore during his senior year at Hofstra University.  The signed jersey also comes with an autographed picture and the sweet stench of schweaty man!

Officially Off the Deep End…

 

In case you haven’t yet noticed, it’s the off-season and we’re bored.   But these chicks know how to make our own fun.  In fact, we paid another visit to the Saints’ website and made a fascinating discovery: The team’s roster includes a bevy of fun and dirty last names!  We’re talking names like Bush, Johnson, and Gay…all on the same team.  Our recent discovery inspired a wonderful new way to pass the time; the “Who Dat Name Game™”  

The Gulf Coast Saints?

 

While recently skimming the front page of nfl.com and its crap load of information about teams we could care less about, we noticed a little known NFL fact.  This month marks the 37^th anniversary of the Patriots’ name change from the “Boston Patriots” to the more regional “New England Patriots.”  It got us reminiscing on an era just a couple years ago when the Saints became the new “America’s team”?  The new title and the uncertainty of New Orleans’ fate after Katrina worked together to spark rumors of a move to repackage our beloved team and rebrand them the “Gulf Coast Saints.”

Of course, that was before the Saints got Reggie, won their first playoff game, and made a legitimate run at the Super Bowl.  Now a ticket to a Saints game is harder to come by than a straight guy past Tropical Isle on Bourbon St.  Even though New Orleans continues to struggle, the Saints seem back in the swing of things on all cylinders.  But that doesn’t necessarily answer the question of whether the regional branding would be worth exploring.

7 Minutes in Heaven with Deuce McAllister

 

Fred Taylor, Brian Westbrook, and Warrick Dunn are that rare breed of NFL player who do their talking on the field.  You won’t see them in endless commercials, or courting the media to watch their well choreographed touchdown dance, or trash talking their opponent on ESPN.  They represent the class of the game.  They’ve got a job to do and they get it done.  

We Saints fans have had a player like that for nearly seven years now.  He’s a country fella born and raised in Lena Mississippi who goes by the name of Deuce McAllister.   But the thing about “warrior players” like Deuce, is that their sword of class cuts both ways.  As a fan, you adore it.  You love knowing you won’t see them getting fined every week by the NFL or costing your team yardage in ‘personal foul’ or ‘unsportsmanlike conduct’ penalties.  But as an interviewer trying to get some juice, dirt, or maybe even a little witty repartee, the strong, silent type vibe can be a killer.   

I recently got a taste of just that after a long awaited interview with the man himself.  I’ll admit, getting him to say anything other than the “canned sports dude answer” was like getting Michael Strahan to agree he needs braces.  He was obviously in his car when I called and multi-tasking in a way that assures me this wasn’t his first time answering and driving.  Still, I did manage to ask one question in the 7 minute phone call that made the baby-faced back laugh out loud. 

Sports Talk: In Black and White

 

Buckle up folks cuz we’re about to break our own golden rule.  For a second, we’re going to put our Reggie drooling, Jason David bashing, Falcons hating ranting on hold to get real.  We’re about to speak the truth –gasp!- about the unspeakable: the bedfellows of race and sports.  

(Warning: This post will include the f-bomb among other naughty words!)

Yeah race has been talked about before, but never before has it felt so relevant.  For those of you who’ve bothered to flip past ESPN or March Madness games in recent days, you’ve probably heard some talk on the topic of race.  But we’re not interested in getting bogged down in the back and forth of the presidential campaign.  We want to shed light on how race isn’t just an entity that creeps into our lives on those occasions when a celebrity makes a racially charged slip-up or when an associate of a public figure does so for that matter.  We want to talk about how race is often times injected (be it unintentionally or quite purposefully) in even the most innocent facets of our lives, including our love of football. 

While recently scouring the sports blogs to catch up on our NFL news (without having to endure the nauseating experience of watching NFL network), we stumbled on a story with seemingly no racial implications at all that seemed to cause an unexpected battle between black and white!  The story on Fanhouse was about Warrick Dunn’s public bad-mouthing of his former Falcons coach Mike Petrino.  Warrick called Petrino a “coward” and accused him of treating Dunn and other players “like kids.”  Dunn went on to say Petrino “wanted everyone to talk at a whisper whenever there was a team dinner, he didn’t like a lot of noise on the plane.” 

Though the article itself was mildly interesting, the real shit-kicker were the comments that followed.  Of course there were the ever-eloquent responses like “Dunn sucks” or “Petrino sucks.”   But somehow, as with many sports posts we’ve read in the past, the conversation turned racial…and ugly! 

Just Buzzing Along

 

Last night’s victory over the Houston Rockets has put the New Orleans Hornets at the tippy top of the West, giving Nowitzki, Duncan, and Nash a panoramic view of what it’s like to stare up the crack of a bee’s ass.  They share their 46-21 record with the Lakers, a team they’ve already beaten twice.  Meanwhile, Chris Paul is well on his way to convincing the hold-outs that he deserves the MVP title for his awe-inspiring talent and absolutely adorable face.  Finally, a reason to pay attention to the NBA! 

We know what you’re thinking; “You should have been paying attention all season long.  The Hornets have been kicking ass!“  Yeah, we get it you judgemental jerk.  It’s just that if the NBA were a really nice, mildly attractive guy, he probably would have already been the victim of a frank, yet heartfelt “We’re just not that into you” talk.   Quite honestly, we mainly felt compelled to write this post out of fear that Jake Who Dat would hunt us down and trap us in a room with killer bees over our failure to keep pace with late, breaking Hornets news.   

Nevertheless, we want the best for the Hornets.  If they make it all the way, we’ll sport our blue and purple with the best of the fair-weather fans.  So buzz along sweet Hornets and do your best to help us pass the time until football season.

#1 Draft Picks: Where are they now?

 

In an attempt to bring some perspective to the NFL draft and to get some message board a-holes to calm the “f” down, we’ve decided to do a reunion show a` la “Happy Days” to see just what’s become of some recent NFL #1 draft picks.  What we’ve discovered is that contrary to popular and douche-baggy beliefs, it’s not always that top pick that makes the team.  In fact sometimes, that top pick breaks the team.  (No David Carr, of course we don’t mean you.) 

Guess Who’s Coming to Practice?

 

Our eyes are twitching, our toes are curled and a wave of shivers is running down our spine.  Either someone just cut off the tequila shots or the Saints have returned to New Orleans for off-season conditioning. 

The 12-week program started on Monday, which included the likes of Scott Fujita and a host of newcomers.  Coach Sean Payton kicked off the off-season program with a news conference where he talked up the team’s commitment to getting in shape and focused.  He also pledged that Reggie Bush would take time out from balancing bowling balls on his girlfriend’s giant ass to grace the team with his presence this off-season.

What a swell guy! 

Kiss Them, They’re Irish!

  

Courtesy: empirezwinger.com

Tis the mornin’ for drinkin’, slurrin’ and brawlin’.  Tis the day of lads and lassies, shamrocks and leprechauns, Lucky Charms, and pots o’ gold (or maybe just pot, depending on your priorities) and green beer and taters, and barley, far as the eye can see.  Tis Saint Patty’s Day child, a day to wrap your luvin’ arms round all things born of the Emerald Isle!