Jonathan Vilma Wouldn’t Know A Hurricane from a Hand Grenade, But I Still Like Him

Being a football player is cool. Being a football player who seems to be over the whole “Willy Beamon” ego trip of playing in the NFL is even cooler. That’s what made talking to Jonathan Vilma feel like I was talking to the Jake Ryan of football. (That’s right, an Any Given Sunday and a Sixteen Candles reference in the same post. Deal with it.) Unlike the T.O.s, Chad Johnsons, and Jeremy Shockeys of the world, Jon Vilma knows he’s not bigger than the game.

A good 20 minutes worth of peak-time cell phone chatting with the Saints’ new linebacker left me breathing a sigh of relief about what’s to come in 2008 for my team. You see regardless of whether he’s willing to admit it, Jonathan Vilma will be an impact player in the Saints’ defense; if not on the field, than certainly in the locker room. Maybe it’s because he’s got a sense of purpose that goes beyond just winning games. Jonathan Vilma’s got something to prove.

We’ll get to the stuff he said about helping people in the community, knocking players on their asses and drinking in a moment, but first: the football talk. Here’s what’s clear; Jonathan Vilma is ready to make you believe that he’s the same guy who went 12th in the draft in 2004 to the Jets, won NFL defensive player of the year, and went to the 2006 Pro Bowl. His career was flying high until Jets Coach Eric Mangini made changes on the defense, shifting from Vilma’s favorable 4-3 to a 3-4 formation.

Things went from bad to worse in 2007 when Vilma suffered a season ending knee injury in week 7. That means this guy hasn’t played football since October. To say that he’s a “little bit anxious” to get back on the field again would be like saying you get just a “little bit anxious” when Olindo Mare takes the field. This dude is so hungry to silence his critics and overcome his injury he’s almost salivating at the mouth.

“I know what I was able to do the first two years in the NFL and I hope to get back to that level of playing. I want to get back to that level,” Vilma says.

When asked about his injury, his words reminded me of another resiliant player, Deuce McAllister.

 “So far so good. I haven’t had any setbacks. I’m not 100% but I hope to be close to it by the start of the season.”

When asked about whether he’s ready to take a leadership role in the Saints defense, Vilma played it coy.

“I’m the new guy. I just want to find my way. I don’t want to get there and mess up anything.

(They’re ranked 26th in the NFL Jon. You can’t mess anything up.)

Alright, enough of my football banter. Time for your questions.

1 Down, 7 to Go

 

Beating the Falcons like they stole something in prime time…it doesn’t get any better than that for a Saints fan.  Except you gotta admit that after a while in last night’s game, bullying stopped being fun.  In fact, it started to feel like we were picking on the retarded kid in class. Oh wait, “retarded” isn’t politically correct.  Let’s say it started to feel like we were picking on the “Dubya-like” kid in class.

Who Dat! Cares!

On a Monday Night in 1994: John Elway and Joe Montana battle it out in a shoot out at Mile High.  Joe Montana throws the game winning touchdown with 8 seconds left.

On a Monday Night in 2000: The Jets make a miraculous fourth quarter comeback from a 30-7 deficit against the Dolphins to win the game in overtime.

On a Monday Night in 2006: Dennis Greens gives me my favorite new saying: “They are who we thought they were” following an amazing fourth quarter comeback by the Chicago Bears over his Arizona Cardinals.

On a Monday Night in 2007:  Something will happen when the 5-7 Saints and 3-9 Falcons face off, but no one will know, because no one will be watching. 

And by “no one,” we obviously don’t mean the Chicks.  After all, we’re masochists.  We say bring it, no matter how painful that “it” may be.  Besides, there are worse things than being a Saints fan and knowing your playoff hopes are shot, your two starting running backs are out for the season, and your coach makes crappy decisions.  We could have been born Falcons fans.  Their season was over before it even started.  And to top things off, there’s a pretty darn good chance things won’t look much brighter in Dirty Bird land next year.  

There’s Bitter and Then There’s Full on PISSED!!!

 

To the 2007 New Orleans Saints: Congratulations! You finally found a way to overshadow John Carney’s missed extra point after the River City Relay in Jacksonville as one of the dumbest, most infuriating plays in our team’s history.  Now let’s line up and take turns kicking Coach Sean Payton right in his ass crack before we pop open some bubbly and celebrate!

WE’RE GOING STREAKING!!!!!

 

Not since “Frank the Tank” ran butt nekkid through the streets in Old School has a streak made this chick feel so darn giddy.  The Saints have won 4 in a row people.  They’re  just a half game behind the division leader in the NFC South, with nothing but losing teams to pave their way to the playoffs.  Go ahead and marinate on that for a minute…

Double the Pleasure, Double the Fun!

Saints defeat Jaguars 41-24 and advance to 4-4.

LSU back at #2 in AP Poll.

River City Rematch

 

While the Chicks never wish harm upon players from other teams (well, almost never John Carney), we do admit to secretly doing a happy dance upon learning Jacksonville Jaguars QB David Garrard wouldn’t be suiting up on Sunday.  Before his high ankle sprain, Garrard led Jacksonville to a 4-2 record thanks to his speedy mobility paired with a laser rocket arm.  But against the Saints, he’ll be about as helpful as the lovely ladies on the sidelines holding pom-poms. 

When The Saints Win…

When the Saints Win….

The birds sing a sweet, melodious tune as I awaken to another blessed day.

When the Saints Lose…

Why the f*ck do I have to get out of bed this morning?! And would somebody shoot those loud ass birds?!

When the Saints Win…

Oops, I just stepped in juicy dog turds…oh what a glorious morn!

When the Saints Lose…

Get me a bucket of water and plug in the curling iron. I’m about to “Vick” the neighbor’s poodle.

When the Saints Win…

Oh what sir, you want to merge in front of me at the last minute even though you knew the lane was about to run out? Well be my guest…and have a great day!

When the Saints Lose…

Don’t even think about it asshole! (HONK!! HONK!!)

When the Saints Win…

Sure I can work through lunch. And do you need me to stay a little later this evening too?

When the Saints Lose…

I wish a mutha f*cka would ask me to give up my damn lunch. Who do these people think they are? I HAVE A LIFE!

When the Saints Win…

I love Sean Payton…and Drew Brees…and Reggie…and Fred Thomas, and Tom Benson too.

When the Saints Lose…

Oh would they just sell the damn team to L.A. already. 

WAIT WAIT, I didn’t mean it!!!! Please don’t sell my boys!! I beg of you Tom! I’m just hurt and angry and saying things I shouldn’t say. Don’t hold it against me, okay?

When the Saints Win…  

I know you’ve got a few more items in your grocery kart than me, but you can still skip ahead. Hey, I’m in no hurry.

When the Saints Lose…

 Can you read bitch? It says TWELVE items or less.

 Bless you boys, for keeping my cup half-full for the past three weeks…

The Chicks Hit it… and Quit it

Hit It!

Reggie Bush for fighting tooth and nail for that four yards in the go ahead touchdown against the Falcons in the fourth quarter.  It was exhilarating to watch those muscle in your legs bulge while your buns of steel tightened as you…uh, oh….we mean, it was awesome to watch your hustle and commitment to taking to the team to the top.

Quit It!

Drew Brees, enough already.  We can’t blame the offensive line, we can’t even really blame the receivers.  We can only blame you for not getting good reads, throwing interceptions, and poorly thrown balls.  Will the REAL Drew Brees please step forward?  (Wait, we just had a terrifying thought.  Is THIS the real Drew Brees????) 

Hit It!

Tres magnifique, Monsieur Pierre!  The 24 yard touchdown run wowed us! The consistency and poise you’ve shown over the past couple games wooed us!  Watch out Reggie.  We may have a new baby daddy in the making…

Quit It!

 Um secondary, could we not make Byron Leftwich and that craptastic heap of dog vomit that is the Falcons’ receiving corp look like the second coming of Brady to Moss?  You know that $hit ain’t right!

Hit It!

Way to go Defense for making big plays down the stretch.  You got Leftwich out of the game by any means necessary (just like we taught you.)  You also kept them from turning their final drive into something reminiscent of the game against Carolina a couple weeks ago. 

Quit It! 

No more of these stupid penalties negating big plays.  We can’t afford it.  Late in the third quarter, two holding calls wiped out 20 yards of rushing by Reggie Bush.  Don’t you know how we feel about people bashing our Bush! 

As Ugly As It Was…

 

We’ll Take It!

Falcons 16 Saints 22